Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?

Tuesday, February 17th, 2015

Do you ever wonder what your animals are thinking? Lately I’ve observed a great many unusual alliances, so I conducted a series of interviews. Here are the animals’ responses, in their own words.

newman-tets It’s cold. It’s so cold. Sometimes I shiver at night and then the tall one grabs me and puts a really stupid looking dress on me. Then I don’t even feel much like head butting. How lame is that? All I want to do is to go inside that house. Why can’t I go inside the house? There’s super good food inside that house. Here is a warm pig. He is a nice pig. Sometimes he shares his food with me. Other times I steal it. I love this pig. He is my friend. I can sleep with him and he doesn’t even have horns. I love him soooo much, especially when I am warm and share his bed and have lots of food to eat. I’m one heck of a lovable guy. ~ Mr.Newman Goat
nwman It’s endless. This marauding and stealing. It’s been going on for years. I’ve submitted detailed reports and affadavits, and yet the injustice continues. It’s just take, take, take. This goat, he is terrible. Am I the ONLY one who sees that he is crazy? Just look at him! Why is this allowed? It’s a crime against swines everywhere. To be fair, he is quite snuggly at night. But that is ALL I will admit to. ~ Testuro the Pig, Esq.
elizabeth I can’t find my mum. I don’t know who this white girl is with the long orange nose, but she is very sweet and lets me eat her food and keep warm. She is a nice girl. I just wish I knew where my mum was. ~Olaf the OppossumWhat the he!!? This is BS. It isn’t bad enough that I have to put up with those roosters, and then the grackels come in the friggin thousands and invade my porch. This is my porch, MY porch, do you hear me? Is anyone effing listening to me? Helloooo? I used to be a lady and look at me now – having to share my quarters with low lifes ~Elizabeth the Duck
cinn I trust, I must trust, I must I must trust, that this large white bear will not eat me. Wait, wait, wait – he is giving me a tongue massage. OMG a tongue massage, feels so good, OMG, OMG. Life is good, life is very good. Thank you, thank you, thank you, big white bear. Squeak. ~Cinnamon the Guinea Pig
boys We are family,
I got all my brothers with me
We are family
Get up everybody and sing
Everyone can see we’re together
As we walk on by
(FLY!) and we fly just like birds of a feather. ~ Heather and Boots the singing Roosters
sam2 Big warm black beautiful animal. Big and black and full of heat and warmth. He is good and he is big, bigger than me. Little grey cat, I love this little grey cat, she tickles my whiskers with her fluffy tail and tells me how pretty she is. My life is heaven, between big and small, here I am. And this is my farm. I’m on the job. ~Sam the Anatolian ShepherdI didn’t know they made cows this small. ~Bullwinkle the Steer
SamAndEvelyn Somebody loves me, I wonder who,
I wonder who he can be.
Somebody loves me, I wish I knew,
Who can he be worries me.
For ev’ry boy who passes me I shout, “Hey, maybe
You were meant to be my loving baby.”
Somebody loves me, I wonder who,
Maybe it’s you. ~ Evelyn the romantic Grey Cat
chickens Partay!!! ~Chickens and Tetsuro the Pig


“The really magical things are the ones that happen right in front of you. A lot of the time you keep looking for beauty, but it is already there. And if you look with a bit more intention, you see it.”
–Vik Muniz

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