I’m afraid I found this on my computer today after having been gone a long number of hours. I cannot take responsibility for the content or the traumatic effect it may have on you or your children.
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Goats
1. Don’t be shy. Never. I mean, not ever. Shy does not exist in our vocabulary. A reticent goat is a sheep.
2. Use all parts of your body. When you see a nice fresh bale of hay, rub your stomach and underparts all over it to get a really good scratch. When you see a nice plump human bottom, rub your face against it vigorously for a quick facial massage. When you don’t like something, lower your head and wham the bejesus out of it.
3. Taste everything. There are simply so many taste delights in this world. Do not limit yourself as a horse does to the same old diet every day. Bo-Ring. No, be imaginative, creative, reach out and try someone, ah, I mean something. It might not look edible, but you won’t know if you don’t try and goats who don’t try are sheep.
4. Insist. Do not give up. Ever. Insist on your rights and your needs. Make them known through word and action, no matter what the consequences. Remember: you are the most important goat there is.
5. Keep in shape. A fat goat cannot run after the hay wagon. An out of shape goat cannot climb stairs or jump into trucks containing feed bags. But a well toned goat can take on most any barnyard animal or human and win the booty away from them.
6. Be friendly to everyone you meet (at least the first time). This does not need to include the people you have previously met.
7. There is no such thing as an obstacle. There are only targets.
By Mr. Newman Goat
Chief Architect and Demolition Expert, Star Gazing Farm