December 1, 2018
Please don’t mind the folks behind me complaining. Yes, I pushed my way to the front of the queue, but I reaalllly need to talk with you more than anyone else. Santa, I was locked in a pretty small container much of my life popping out babies and so my early education was a bit lacking, but I’m a self-starting dog and so I like to ask lots of questions so as I can learn and be even SMARTER than I already am. I do believe I was born with a native intelligence that rivals many. So here are my questions: Santa, what does it mean when people say I only have two speeds? I hear this word ‘modulation’ a lot, and ‘slow down’ and ‘settle’ and ‘take it easy’. My two speeds are both in very good working order and I do my jobs very well: chasing and cuddling. Please speak to my owner for me about this. Also, sometimes people call me by names other than my own and this confuses me. My name is Mamie, or fondly, Mamie Mama, or Mamie Wigglebutts. But I hear these word “snausage” and “tank” and “OMG you are heavy as a rock”. Because I’m so smart, I know these are probably insults and so my dearest wish is that you make people stop calling me snausage. Cattle dogs are solid and strong and fast as lightning and we are meant to be built like bullets.
Now then, down to business. I have not been an entirely good girl this year, although I did manage to wrangle this gig at Star Gazing Farm which should override all other sins. I think so. But here is a very very minor peccadillo. I like to chew. I really like to chew a lot, and I have made my way through most (OK, let me be honest, ALL) of the plastic food bowls used by my dog friends and the pigs. But I’m an honest dog and so I am asking you to help me replace these bowls with new ones for all my friends. We need a few different sizes, so you can choose which one you’d like to send me.
I’d also like a bone. My mom said “eww, that’s awful” when I told her but I’m hoping you are a bit more realistic than she is. I like bones because I am a dog (hello?!) and I promise I’ll stop screeching when she is on the phone if I have one or two of these to make a project of.
Finally, Santa, I want to give a present to my mom. She is clueless most of the time, but I love her unconditionally and so I’d like to give her the present of a dog training session. She needs to be trained in cattle dog. We’re from Australia and so I’m thinking she just doesn’t understand the accent. If someone sponsored me then I could pay for this session all by myself. I want my mom to learn to speak my language, and also to stop calling me snausage.
Star Gazing Farm
16760 Whites Store Road
Boyds, MD 20841