Animal News: The Chronicles of Newman and other Stories
Measuring IQs on a farm
Today I was over at Poplar Spring Animal Sanctuary in Poolesville for their big open house, and happened to find myself in the goat pasture. It's amazing how that happens - I am just going about my business and inevitably become surrounded by goats. Actually, I really went in there to have a word with the sheep, but goats kept coming up, one after another after another. There were two Newman lookalikes there, and I commented on this to a bystander. Naturally, she asked about Newman and I told her "the main issue with Newman is that his IQ is higher than mine."
It really isn't a good idea to articulate such thoughts. These animals are not only smart but they apparently have some form of telepathic powers, and I have no doubt Newman knows what I said, and what I thought, and what I thought ABOUT it. You see, tonight I have a real problem on my hands.
Everyone knows about Newman's car habit, oui? Last weekend Carpenter Mike and I were working on a gate and we wondered why Newman wasn't out there helping us. I went to the barn - no Newman. I checked all his favorite haunts - nothing. I admit, even with all the trouble he causes me, I started to sweat and hyperventilate, wondering if he had run away from home or worse, someone had kidnapped him. I ran around the front of the house, yelling to Mike "He's GONE, Newman is GONE!" and then saw it. A huge black form hulking inside my truck. Doors were closed, and when I spotted him he put his face to the front windshield, and stared me down. Have you ever been given the hairy eyeball by a goat? It's not something you want to experience often. Anyhow, I wanted to ask him if he was so smart, how come he couldn't figure out how to open the doors from the inside, but I was frankly so glad to find him I just gave him a big hug and didn't even mind the evident signs inside the truck that he had been partying.
I know for a fact, however, that he was annoyed at me for taking so long to find him - normally he just sits on the horn to alert me, but he must have figured that I have the same telepathic powers that he does ... or would miss his presence sooner than I did. At any rate, getting to the point here, tonight after dark I went out to get something from the truck and found it locked. Both sides. I never lock my truck. I know for an absolute fact that I did not lock my truck today, either. For one moment I panicked, wondering if a goat was inside but then remembered that just a half hour before he had assaulted me and stolen the pig's dinner out of my hands. I'm not entirely sure this is revenge on his part for having been shut inside the truck last weekend. But I'm also not convinced that it's not, either. The windows are rolled up just enough that my arms cannot squeeze in, so I'm either going to have to find a very skinny person or make the dreaded call to AAA. "Hello sir? Yes, you did hear me right, my goat locked me out of my truck. What's that? You don't do goat-related emergencies? Look, sir, I don't think you quite understand. Hold on, let me put someone else on the phone .... "
Till next time,
Farmer Anne
Star Gazing Farm
http://www.stargazingfarm.org
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