Animal News: The Chronicles of Newman and other Stories
Emergency Fencing, Part 54
13 May, 2004
There's probably never a "good time" for doing emergency fencing, but Newman does seem to choose oppportunities aimed at maximizing aggravation. Ten minutes after I'm due to leave for work and wearing high heels seems to be one of his favorites.
After our trusty farmworker spent the whole day reinforcing the No Goat Zone I fence with additional planks (during which, he recounted to me, Newman stuck his entire nose in a gallon of paint), evidently Newman decided it was time to attack No Goat Zone II. NGZII contains the precious new lilac trees as well as newly planted flowers and herbs. Hawthorne the horse has apparently been in cahoots because by leaning over it, he's bent down the wire fencing so that it's just at goat-jumping height. "Someone" has also worked the bottom of the fencing so that, in fact, it might as well not be there.
For the record, living with Newman makes one hypervigiliant. I'm not sure if any psychological studies have been done on post traumatic stress syndrome of goat owners... At any rate, while trying to catch up on some computer work, scarfing down the remainder of my mid-day sandwich at 8 pm, and drowning in sweat since it's miserably humid out, I heard suspicious noises. Sandwich thrown down, I rushed out in bare feet to find Newman *inside* NGZII perilously close to the lilac bushes. There's something akin to X-files horror at finding this goat inside an area with tender plants.
He was crazed, 10 times his size and strength, bellowing caprine obscenities as I tried to wrestle him out, and while we were dancing, the other two goats waltzed in. I was still in bare feet, by the way. The rest is really uninteresting except to note that I banged up hand and foot rather badly by mishandling various heavy metal objects I had to drag around in order to "fix" the fence.
I suppose the crowning point in the process was when I went into the barn to get something and found Newman. Placidly asleep.
Until next time,
Farmer Anne
Star Gazing Farm
http://www.stargazingfarm.org
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