Animal News: The Chronicles of Newman and other Stories
Gardening may be hazardous to your health
Somewhere I've read that activites such as petting cats or tending a garden are supposed to bring down your blood pressure. To that I say simply "bah".
My thumb being about as green as an old eggplant, it's Gardener Dean who has, over the past 3 years, tended the soil and created the vegetable and herb gardens: mulching and fertilizing, removing shale and stone, turning up every inch by hand, carefully planting seeds in just the right spots in nicely aligned rows. He has coaxed large and beautiful fruit- and vegetable-bearing plants out of small seeds and maintained them even after multiple invasions. We've even eaten some very delicious produce on occasion.
Alas, year after year the garden has been subject to assault, rape, and pillage by marauding ruminants. With T-posts and welded wire between goat and garden, the average time for Newman to break down the system was 5 weeks. We eventually wised up and installed a really fine permanent fence with wooden posts and expensive farm gates and fancy $25 latches, christening the area the "No Goat Zone". This Zone quickly became an awfully convenient place to feed the horse, who, in turn, quickly discovered how tasty corn stalks are, all of them. Later in the summer it served as a day-haven for the ducks after the local fox made his presence known, and they had a hey day with the tomatoes and the daisies.
We won't even go into the water hydrant/ditch-witch fiasco that tore up the NGZ in December, bringing heavy piles of shale to the surface upon which no grass species known to man could ever grow, creating uneven ground that trips us in the dark, reminding us every day of how much money and labor it will take to bring the NGZ back to any semblance of its old self, but as I said, we won't go into that.
Despite its uncomely appearance, the NGZ has proven to be just the perfect place to do spring sheep shearing - close to the electrical outlet, and away from the madding herds. And then came Parsnip. Parsnip is a relative newcomer here: bulky, white, fluffy, charming (though I swear she has shifty eyes), with an alto voice that she uses often just to make sure she's still a sheep, she is almost totally wild and knows how to fly at 25 mph in the opposite direction of any human. Last Friday, with a little bribe of oats, I got close enough to wrap my arms around her neck and guide her gently to the No Goat Zone for her annual shearing. The thing is, Parsnip is a bit of a party girl and never goes anywhere by herself. With Parsnip holding me hostage (you never let go of a sheep you're about to shear - it will be 3 years before you catch her again), two goats and a bunch of sheep barrelled their way into the NGZ along with us and began feasting on grass, blackberry bushes, and the beloved lilac tree.
After it was all done (the shearing and the eating), I personally really couldn't observe much vegetal damage, but the first words out of Gardener Dean's mouth when he arrived Saturday morning were, "SOMEONE'S been in the garden".
I wish I could say that was the end of the story, as I know you're anxious to get to your next email, but too early Sunday morning I woke up to some odd sounds. A visitor to Star Gazing Farm might find this a noisy, even raucous place, but amidst the cacaphony I have learned when a particular sound needs investigating... so, lurching half blind from bed and in baggy pajamas towards the back porch, I found Spenser, Madison, Rachel, and Newman, who having removed the lids from all the feed barrels, were having a terrific Sunday brunch. Sheep take early breakfasts, just by the way. I'm not sure how to express the agitation of a near-sighted, barefoot, poorly attired, half awake woman who's had no coffee and finds 4 large hooved beasts on her back porch. IN HER GARDEN.
Although my health deteriorates by the millisecond around here, I'm glad to report that the sheep are, thank you, very well indeed.
Till next time,
Farmer Anne
Star Gazing Farm
http://www.stargazingfarm.org
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