Animal News: The Chronicles of Newman and other Stories
Newman's Driving School
Mr. Newman Goat's trick of opening up car doors and jumping inside is, by now, old hat. Not that it isn't funny (although yesterday he ate part of a library book that was in the front seat and I, for one, was not laughing... and we have a particularly humorless and goat-unfriendly librarian at the local branch who will also not laugh.). But it's kind of an old trick, at least around these parts. Even the pasture renovation guy who used to deliver hay and was here the other day, said with some boredom in his voice to Newman, "Oh, I remember you." So hard to become a has-been.
Tonight I went out to deliver nighty-night cookies to everyone, and found the goats conspicuously absent. They have a habit of selecting the driest, softest, and choicest beds for themselves, so I figured they were merely guarding their roosts. Nevertheless, these particular molasses and oat cookies are so tasty that even a comfy goat would roust himself for them. Then I heard a horn honk. Folks don't honk their horns out here. The only time they do is when someone's (ahem) animals have made their way out onto the communal driveway. But there were no car lights. No motors running. Only three missing goats. There was only one possibility as to the origin of the honk. Slowly, wading through mud and accosted by sheep gnashing their teeth and making a grab for my pockets, I made my way to the truck. Through the dim almost non existent moonlight, I could just make out suspicious looking horns hovering in the cab. But those were not Newman horns, they were smaller. Who on earth was in my truck?! Confused, I opened the door and Little Boy Goat popped out like a gumball from a spastic machine. Unlike Newman (who could lounge in there all day), he wanted OUT. I confess that after he exited I did a thorough search for Newman, wondering just how much caprine abuse my fabric seats can take, but he was nowhere to be found.
So this is quite a pickle. Did Newman open the door so Little Boy could get in? It's just not like Newman to do a service for anyone. Did Little Boy watch Newman's trick and learn how to open the door himself? Really, cute as they are, Little Boy's horns aren't quite the right conformation for the door opening trick. Did Newman purposely lock Little Boy inside? Did Newman open the door, raid the contents of the cab, and then leave the door ajar for any marauding ruminant to randomly jump in? As you can see, all these possibilities are quite troubling.
You will ask why we don't just lock the truck? First, because we keep the keys inside so if we locked it, we wouldn't be able to get in again. Second, because the locks are so sticky that once locked, it's almost impossible to unlock them. Probably from all that lock-picking goat activity.
We all have dilemmas, daily conundrums and Big Life Problems; my laundry list is as long as yours, but at the top of mine is the serious concern that I have a goat who is smarter than I.
Till next time (and the creek DID rise),
Farmer Anne
Star Gazing Farm
http://www.stargazingfarm.org
© 2005 Star Gazing Farm, All Rights Reserved
May not be reproduced without permission.
To subscribe to The Chronicles of Newman (and other stories) and to receive news bulletins from Star Gazing Farm, send a blank message to news-subscribe@stargazingfarm.org.
